i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
