I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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