The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
