These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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