I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
COCAINE IS GR8
All the doctor said was why
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
