Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
