I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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