I can tuck mytits in my pants
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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