I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
