You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
