hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
