Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
