dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We left an ass print on the piano.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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