Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
