So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Terrible idea I love it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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