I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
