Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
