You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
