she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
