then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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