Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize