You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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