Are we in a gay sports bar?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
