Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
