So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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