Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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