Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
