I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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