Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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