i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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