he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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