I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
How's work?
Spinning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize