it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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