I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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