The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize