apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
