I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
