i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
