Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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