hotel room ftw
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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