I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
These tits shall not be calmed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
