i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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