I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
