Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
