felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
