YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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