I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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