i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
