My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
