Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
