he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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