none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
