My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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