the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
