Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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