problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
