I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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