dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
