life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
