it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
