I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize