girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
