you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
