Your dad touched me again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
