My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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