last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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