He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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