i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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