Can i not drive my cunt home
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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