ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
