I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
