But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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