if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
