Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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