he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
