you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she pinky promised me she was 18
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
