He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
