you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
