i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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