explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
