Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
