This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
