Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
