Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
