Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize