you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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