matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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