sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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