I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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