the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
