flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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