I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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