Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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