my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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