I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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