ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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