I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize