My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
