You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize