Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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