Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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