Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize