can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
