I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
