I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
