Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
