Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is Oprah even human
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
