Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize