Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
