do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
