dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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