Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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