you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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