Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
